As motionless I lie
I see from the corner of my eye
You, my child scurrying around to get things done .
You stay awake all night, listening to my laboured breathing . I feel your heart race with twice the speed of mine
Especially when you feel my pace has faltered .
Fear not my child it’s not yet time
For me to leave you and join my folks long gone who wait for me to join them
shuffling patiently to make some room for me .
As I lie motionless, I see the fear in your eyes when you think I’m rambling on about an aunt long gone or of people shouting or laughing loudly when none exist
But I haven’t lost my mind
Not yet . It’s just a bit jumbled up. And memories come tumbling out unbidden
From my head. For no reason .
As I lie motionless you feed me spoon by spoon
The way I fed you when you were small .
With trepidation your eyes question: have I failed you ?
No my child you have not .
How can I explain that you don’t love me any less when you keep me in professional care .
In the hands of strangers who somehow seem to know me better than I know myself .
Who deftly turn me from side to side, mindful of my aching bones
And make my bed with me inside!
They change my clothes and wash me clean while you feel it should have been you.
But no! Throw out all guilt and feelings of inadequacy for in this time that’s difficult for
you and me
It is best that strangers attend to me as
I lie motionless and helpless.
Many of my friends have now reached an age where they have to look after ailing parents. With most of us past our prime, it is often difficult for us to physically tend to sick parents.
Most of us are racked with guilt when we seek the help of professionals to assist in nursing. But does asking a trained care giver for assistance amount to neglect or disrespect or even unconcern?
Would love to hear your views on this.