Thoughts before a pooja
I woke up before the crack of dawn this morning . We had been meaning to do a Satyanarayan Pooja at the beginning of this year but as Burns said ,” the best made plans of mice and men often go awry” and it was only on Monday evening that Hubby dear decided to have the pooja before anything else cropped up.
Looking back at these past eight months, nothing on earth would have prepared me for the turn of events. I often think back on what went wrong and have come to the conclusion that my only mistake was misplaced trust. I foolishly believed that I had laid a strong foundation and that love given would be reciprocated. But now I truly understand the message of the Geeta – that all actions should be without any expectation because the more you love something, the more likely you are to be hurt by it.But betrayal is hard to face – especially when you are betrayed by the person you love the most. After months of grappling with reality, I am slowly beginning to understand the meaning of equanimity I also know why old people have a sense of calm about them – they have seen so much and know how futile it is to do anything. Everything is pre-destined and we are mere pawns in the game of life.
So as my house is filled with the aroma of freshly made shira, I am waiting for the priest to come. We will then set up the pooja: lay out the wooden stools, put up the banana leaves, get the flowers ready, make the sandal wood paste and then begin to cleanse the air with the chanting of prayers.
I will pray for peace and hope God heals my broken heart.