My friend Dee who always sends me forwards that bring a smile sent me this one which I’d like to share. As she says in her email, the author is unknown so I can’t acknowledge the provenance :
A Parsi bawa PM would establish a Ministry Of Dhansak, officially known as the Ministry Of Diplomacy. It would serve cauldrons of this signature dish to visiting dignitaries from other countries at state dinners. Naturally, once their bellies are stuffed senseless, they would sign treaties that benefit India immensely.
All car and motorbike owners who don’t maintain their cars and bikes impeccably would be summarily jailed. Their vehicles would be auctioned to homes where they would be loved and looked after for the next 50 years.
Parliament would be home to some very unparliamentary language, explained well in advance to translators of visiting dignitaries as being expressions of true warmth and welcome. Additionally, the PM would undergo sensitivity training to avoid calling certain leaders ‘pelo kaaro saalo’.
Liquor companies would recalibrate their bottles to account for Parsi Peg measures. Egg farmers would laugh all the way to the bank as the country discovers the glory of ‘everything par eeda’. Life Insurance companies may moan about skyrocketing cholesterol levels, but that’s just tough luck!
The national airline would once again be run by the Tatas. This means Air India would have hot bawi air hostesses with names like Roxane and Ava , instead of the current matronly, grumpy brigade in the sky. In-flight magazines would explain to foreigners that ‘kem che M##C ’ is the captain’s friendly welcome when they board the aircraft.
The suburbs of major cities would be razed and rebuilt as happy baugs.
Our PM would know when to clap when a symphony orchestra visits the country. He would also throw several bigwig business tycoons and politicians in jail with his zero-tolerance attitude for corruption. The Army, Navy & Air Force Chiefs of Staff would deal with a boss who is even fussier than them about maintaining tanks, ships and planes in tip-top condition. Who knows how many court-martials may occur for some little oil on a tarmac that ought not to have been there.
A Parsi PM would sweet talk Aapri Rani ‘back home in Velat’ into returning the Kohinoor diamond to India (another fine example of Dhansak Diplomacy at work). A Parsi PM would laugh a lot, swear a lot, eat a lot, drink a lot, and entertain a lot. World leaders would swoop by India whenever they need a good laugh and good food to recharge their batteries.
Every official party in Bombay (now renamed from Mumbai) will have Godiwalla catering for the event. Queenie Singh would sport a gara miniskirt, which would leave bawis fuming and bawas steaming.
Trains would run on schedule, planes would fly on time, the environment would be cleaner, and the cities greener. Smoking would be virtually stubbed out, and poverty would be erased. The Left may grumble, the Right may mumble, but the Middle-Class will rumble on contentedly.
The Judiciary would have incorruptible Parsi judges. In five years or less they’d clear the backog of millions of cases that have clogged the courts. Frivolous lawsuits would be dealt with swift dismissals, whilst for genuine pleas justice would be dispensed timely. Goondagardi would lose its relevance as the populace believes in the system and the State once again.
A Parsi PM would crack the country up when he speaks in Hindi every Republic Day from the ramparts of Red Fort. He’d laugh loudest at himself when he is lampooned by the Comedy Store.
Into this heavenly benign lunacy, dear Lord, let our beloved India AWAKE!
Watching the rupee slide last week was frightening to say the least and it is high time our politicians realise how their constant interference, petty rivalries and huge egos have driven our country to this dismal state. It is equally sad to think that a party that has struggled for the past 60 years with issues like poverty, education, infrastructure and all the ills that they hope to address with hastily passed Bills can continue duping the nation with the same Old Indian Rope Trick.