Sologamy is not about sour grapes! #Guest Post #mymojo #wordsante

Are you taken aback by this title? I must admit I was. In fact I wondered what it was all about till I read the whole article.

“No man is an island” is the famous saying by John Donne but Shalz  shows how sologamy can be more enriching than being the “better half” or the “significant other” of another. 

Shalz is an enthusastic travel blogger whom I met  on the A to Z Challenge this year. I was immediately hooked on to her fantastic photos, lively narrative and I suspect a quirky sense of humour – impish and slightly irreverent. So it was hard to resist her invitation to join her unique anniversary celebration of her blog. 

Get set and ready for a wonderful read from Shalz

Sologamy is not about sour grapes!

I recently met an extremely vivacious and confident woman who peruses health coaching as a profession. A gorgeous and effervescent lady, she exuded love for all things beautiful and advocated the same in her work and manner. While chatting with her, she mentioned a word she recently learned – Sologamy! I loved how the word rolled off my tongue and requested her to elaborate. She said it simply means I am in love with myself.

Just like that she lifted my mood and attitude about being single and on my own. I researched this word a bit on Google when I reached home and it liberated me even further. Simply put Sologamy means a commitment to self-love and self-passion.

I read a few articles on it being mocked by the naysayers as desperation on the part of single folks since they haven’t found anyone to cohabit with. Reading a few of those articles reminded me of petty – minded scrooges who refuse to be happy for anyone. Okay I admit some folks have gone overboard in celebrating this state by marrying themselves and the hoopla planned for the D-day is quite the real thing.

I am not going so far out to plan a wedding day for tying the knot with myself; but what I am doing is celebrating the liberty this term has given me. Ever since my separation and subsequent divorce, I have found it very difficult to be with anyone else. Even having a few guests over at my house is painful and I can’t wait for them to leave.

Have I taken solitude too far? Have I turned into an eccentric recluse? Is this what they mean by a cat lady?

On a deeper reflection I would have to say no.

shalzmojo.ine (3)

I have just become very comfortable in my own skin and having “disrupted” my life once with matrimony, the thought of going through so much pain and hardship again is what stops me from getting close with someone. I have dated a handful of men in the past 5 years and none lasted long; one month was the longest. I think I have made peace with the fact that this is how my life is going to be as I want to be able to plan it my way and my way only.

I have also worked out a system (much like others) to run my household which works well for me and lets me go through my day seamlessly. There is more order and efficiency in my household as the work to be done is for one and decided by that one. Contrast this to a household of four where each has different needs/wants, schedule and habits. So when I have guests, chaos descends into my orderly mind (not house) and suddenly I am catering to others. I think it’s that which disturbs me and only in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I love having people over but I think I hate losing the control. Sounds quite evil!

I think sologamy for me is the me-time I have in my life and the indulgence to peruse my passions, my loves and my hobbies. It’s the freedom to think for myself and do the things I want to do without any guilt.

Yes there is a certain bit of loneliness as I do miss having someone to come home to at times or simply the thought of someone else taking care of the household chores or just an emotional support. It’s natural to miss and want the companionship but I am not miserable about it and that I think is the biggest achievement of being single for me.

I would love to hold hands with someone, have conversations and just go for long walks in the rain but it’s not something that I cannot do without. My life hasn’t stopped because of it.

I love my sisterhood of friends and take much pride in hosting get togethers at my house which involves a lot of planning and cooking – I love both. So I am quite social and not the cat lady yet!

I would just like to tell all those who think Sologamist are simply tasting sour grapes are quite wrong. Sologamy is a way of life, much as marriage is. Each has its own pros and cons and each to their own too! It’s fulfilling in its way and is for those who have truly embraced it which to me seems the way the world is going now days.

What is your take on this folks? Is sologamy your cup of tea yet?

About Shalzmojo

Image for ShalzmojoAn interior designer by profession, writing is a passion which coupled with travel love blossomed into this blog where I love to just “do my thing”! Be it recipes, food events, travel jaunts, fiction dreaming or even meditative musings; all of it’s taken up quite passionately on my blog. I am a serious wine guzzler and love to chase butterflies in my free time.

Pls do check out my post Single by choice

This post is written for the December bloghop #mymojo with Shalzmojo

Linking up for #wordsante with Namysaysso for every post deserves some love

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A granny who always sees the humour in life and tries to do things differently. When others make cupcakes, this granny makes banana fritters. When she’s not busy chasing her grandchildren who love making her run around, she indulges in her passions of reading, writing, meeting friends and watching movies. And somewhere between all this she enjoys travelling and cooking!

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9 Responses

  1. Akshata says:

    Shalz my love I loved this post: I am hearing this term for the first time and though I am married and have a kid I have found myself gravtitating towards self love more and more as years pass by. These 2 months where I am alone in a foreign land saw me have a more open dialogue with myself . There were times when I wished to come home and talk to someone ( people usually keep to themselves here) but after sometime I was back to my usual cheerful self. I loved this concept and 3 cheers to you

  2. Balaka Basu says:

    I am married and a mother but trust me I enjoy the moments when I am alone the most. There is so much chaos at home on weekends that I literally look forward to Monday morning. Even though I love my family and also enjoy spending time with them but the alone moments are something I relish. Before I got married I used to live alone in Hyderabad and those were till date the best days of my life. I can understand the longing to be with someone but being on your own is not that bad either.

  3. Well, I am not a tea drinker (Milk based). So, Sologamy is my cup of coffee to me 😛
    When I say that I connect to your thoughts Shalz, this is it! This is what I am talking about. The thoughts of yours are like in complete sync with mine and at least for me that has been very rare to me in finding that sync with my friends or anyone on that matter in my life 🙂 So cheers to that! And I hope that we meet some day!
    Coming back to this beautiful post, or rather say beautiful thoughts, You are right on point here! There is a lot of misconception attached to being single or when we say we love ourself more than anyone else! Many see it as being selfish as you pointed out right and others classify it under loneliness and miss an important point that living alone or being single is not being lonely. Alone and lonely are in fact very different terms, but we often see them being termed together.
    I do not understand why can’t everyone see it as something like “She did not find that someone to run wild along with her just yet! And even though that day comes or not it is not going to stop her from being full of life and being herself, the true self!”

  4. I’ve honestly not heard the word before, but I get the concept and so agree with you, Shalini.

    Even in relationships, we all need our space. I recall Gibran’s writing on marriage having the caution ‘remember to keep spaces in your togetherness’. My husband and I married late – me at 41 and he at 51. We prize our individual space and make sure we get enough of it.

    May you continue to be happy and enjoy your own company and those of others when you choose. 😉

  5. I loved this concpet of “Sologamy”! Whether married or unmarried or in relationship or divorced, one should practice “Sologamy”; ‘coz it simply means love yourself, be committed to yourself, have me time! Unless I am happy with myself, I cant love anything else or anyone for that matter.
    Thanks Shalini for ushering this unique concept to me.

  6. Shilpa Garg says:

    Love this word Sologamy! Most people do not realize that they can be more lonely in a relationship. It would be best if they can have the courage to love themselves and enjoy it too. Like we celebrate togetherness, I think sologamy should be celebrated too, for it is getting back to self love, contentment and happiness. It’s so wonderful that you have found what makes you truly happy, Shalini! Stay blessed always! ♥
    Shilpa Garg recently posted…Do Not Disturb… DND [Guest Post]My Profile

  7. Dipika Singh says:

    Loved the word Sologamy, first thing first. Title is indeed quirky!
    Loving self or self passion is not a crime as we have been conditioned with by elders. A person can be married with a family of all relatives around but can still feel lonely/sad.

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